This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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