Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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