i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
