if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
