Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
