Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
