i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I AM VODKA MAN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
