Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
