So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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