It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
