I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
