Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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