Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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