Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am midnight drunk by noon
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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