1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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