im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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