my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
