He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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