tell your sister to shave her snatch
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
