i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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