Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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