Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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