Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
