A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
