I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize