yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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