Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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