Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
