my soul wont recognize me after tonight
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
