There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
