well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
