I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
