I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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