Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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