As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
