I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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