Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
