we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You smell like stripper and shame
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
