If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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