PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
