The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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