"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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