i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
