I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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