just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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