I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to stick my p in your. b.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
