apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am one with the molecules
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
