what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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