I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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