well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
