She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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