Even the bartender felt bad for me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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